Learning to Live in the Middle: Encouragement if You are Struggling with an All-or-Nothing Mentality

As June wraps up, I’ve been thinking a lot about how this past month reminded me that learning to live in the middle (aka the grey) is an integral component of health.

Our cat, Diva, passed away on Monday, June 9th. She had been with me since I was 19 years old, so it hit hard. In the days leading up to it, we could tell she was declining quickly. We made the difficult call to the vet on Saturday and scheduled her appointment to cross the “rainbow bridge,” as they say, for that Monday.

That weekend, I basically didn’t leave the bed with her. I stayed with her the entire time, helping her when she needed it. Time I was, and still am, thankful to have had.

At one point over the weekend with Diva, I caught myself thinking, “Whatever, just let everything go completely - it doesn't matter.” If candy were an official coping mechanism, it 100% would be mine. But the reality is, it DOES matter to me - my goals matter - and no amount of any self-destructive behaviors I could use to cope would have taken me out of the reality that I was going to be losing her.. and soon.

I found myself at a crossroads: do nothing or try to do everything - even though I already knew that "everything" wasn’t realistic. So, I chose a third option, the middle path, the one less talked about.

Diva's first visit to our boat.

Throughout the weekend caring for Diva, I simply did what I could. Which honestly, wasn’t much beyond making sure I ate in a way that supported me - physically and emotionally. I let myself cry; I let myself feel everything without trying to fix it or push it away. I met myself where I was and showed up the best I could. It wasn’t perfect (far from it) but for a reformed Type A, all-or-nothing kind of person, being in the middle was just what I needed.

After she passed, some days I’d start a workout and stop after two sets. Some days I ate more of what I wanted and less of what I needed. Some days I struggled even having an appetite. But my main goal was just to keep showing up in whatever way I could that day.

We often treat our health habits as a switch we flip on or off. We are only "on" when we are feeling good and life is as consistent as it can be. But real life doesn’t work that way. It’s full of ups, downs, and unexpected turns. We’ll experience moments of joy, periods of struggle, and everything in between. That’s why our habits need to be flexible and resilient. Health isn’t about being perfect or going all-in all the time. Just because life gets tough doesn’t mean EVERYTHING has to fall apart.

We can tend to fall into these patterns where what we do when we are motivated is vastly different from what we do when we are not motivated and/or dealing with tough emotions, and it is important to start closing the gap between the two.

Are the things you do when you are motivated vastly different from when you are not? Do you find yourself working out frequently, cutting out all sweets, and tracking your calories when you are "all in," but when you have a day you are a little less motivated suddenly you just quit working out altogether, inhale all of the sweets, and decide not to track because you don't want to see the number?

*Raises Hand* Yep, I know I have been there.

If this resonates with you, something that really helped me find my middle was asking myself: What do I do when I am motivated and how is it different from when I am not motivated? Mostly importantly - why are they different? What am I capable of doing on my hardest days?

The truth is you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to show up. And honestly, if all you had was 50% to give on a day, and you gave that 50% - that’s still giving 100% of what you had. ❣️

-Allyson